*Warning* there is a lot of describing puking and other gross things!
I know that this topic doesn't quite fit with my blog but I have been thinking it's an important thing to share. When I was pregnant and sick, I searched all over the internet to see if anyone else was going through what I was going through. I hardly found anything at the time. I did find a You Tube channel where the girl was vlogging her experience being sick and that helped me feel like I wasn't so alone. Because, having extreme morning sickness makes you feel very alone.
In 2015 my little son was born in the spring. The whole nine months I was pregnant with him, I was sick. I had a job where I was a home health aid for the elderly and I would have to go run and throw up in their toilet while I was at work. There were a few close calls where I almost did not make it to the bathroom in time. I was finishing a semester at college and I missed a lot of class. Eventually, I took a month off of work because I was throwing up so much. Fortunately I was able to finish the school semester and my grades didn't suffer too much.
I threw up water immediately after I drank it. I was lucky to keep anything down. Whenever I went anywhere if I was feeling well enough, I had to find out where the bathrooms where right away in case I needed to throw up. Friends would want to hang out but I had to constantly explain that I was too sick. They would say, "You're STILL sick?" I had a feeling some thought I was being dramatic. I felt alone.
I was in bed most of the time. When I was at the hospital getting induced, I threw up non-stop. They gave me some Zofran in an IV to help with the nausea and it helped. I had been taking Zofran my entire pregnancy and even though I still threw up many times a day, the Zofran kept me alive. As soon as my baby boy was born, I felt AMAZING. All my nausea was gone and I had a brand new baby! If you're going through morning sickness right now, please remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel. 9 months (or less) and it's over. You are stronger than you think, even if you have to have IVs of fluid every day to keep you alive.
3 Years later I had another baby. A girl this time. Before I got pregnant, I knew that another pregnancy would be very difficult. However, I didn't think it could be any worse. I even changed to a plant-based diet because I had read that those who eat plant-based tend to have less morning sickness. I thought that I was prepared to go through another 9 months of puking but from the very beginning, this pregnancy with my little girl was 100 times worse than my first pregnancy. There was no way I could have prepared for it. I was dealt this hand and I had to take it.
I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks and on week 5, I started throwing up around 25 times a day. If there was nothing to throw up, which was often the case, just stomach bile would come out. When my stomach bile refilled in my stomach, I would throw it up again.
I was SO dehydrated and had extreme thirst and hunger the whole 9 months. I would be so desperate for water that I would drink but then I would violently throw it up seconds later. I had to keep eating, even though I would just throw it up. I could at least extract some nutrients before it came back out. I remember eating an apple and it being SO good. I hoped that I would be able to keep it down. It stayed in my stomach for about an hour and it hurt badly. I could feel it just sitting in my stomach and not digesting. Eventually I threw it up and the pain went away.
I ended up going to the hospital in my early pregnancy because I was just so dehydrated. The doctor mentioned something about babies being "little parasites" sucking all the nutrients from their mothers. I thought that was a flippant remark. I got some IVs hooked up with liquid Zofran and other fluids to hydrate me. I felt the best I had in a few weeks. Zofran is an anti-nausea medication typically given to chemo therapy patients. But they also give it to people with extreme nausea in pregnancy and it's the only medication that helped me, even if it was very little help. I was so thirsty and so hungry. The Zofran and dehydration caused me extreme constipation. I would sit on the toilet for hours at a time. It was very painful. I did end up in the hospital later on for extreme stomach pain. Turns out it was from constipation and they couldn't do anything to help me. And I had to keep taking Zofran to survive.
Eventually I called the doctor's office and told them I needed an IV. The nurse seemed impatient with her tone and said "well, has it been more than 24 hours that you haven't been able to keep a teaspoon of water down?" I told her I throw up everything. She still seemed unbelieving, oddly. But I got an appointment set up with the OBGYN. There, they discovered I had lost 11 lbs when I should have been gaining weight. I looked like a zombie as well so the nurse immediately set up an appointment at the IV center so I could get fluids. I had to go at least twice a week. I would have gone more if I could have mustered the strength to do it. I was not sure how it was possible to be so sick and to still be alive. If IVs of fluid didn't exist, I think I would have died. I remember the receptionist in that IV building looking at me with great pity every time I walked by her. I was a wreck.
My little 2 year old son was taken to his Grandma's house every week day. I was bed ridden and incapable of watching him, I am SO thankful that my mother-in-law was willing to babysit him for so many months. My husband had to drive and extra 1.5 hours every day to get him there before he had to work. He also worked from home often to help take care of me. He often worried about being fired because he was working about 6 hours a day. Fortunately, he worked for a wonderful company and had amazing co-workers that understood. That was a huge blessing!
At around 9 weeks pregnant, my OBGYN wanted to do an ultrasound to see if I was pregnant with twins because I was so sick, I was hoping that it would be twins, so that all this work and suffering would feel even more worth it! Alas, it was only one little jelly bean that appeared on the ultrasound screen. My doctor told me that it was probably a girl, and that was why I was so sick this time. She was right about that! At my 20 week ultrasound, it was indeed a girl.
I remember at one point early on having the disturbing realization that I was going to feel horribly sick for an entire 9 months. 9 months can feel like years. It's not like the flu that's gone in a few days. It's like a million times worse than the flu, for nearly a year. I prayed a lot to help me get through every minute of the day. I couldn't go downstairs into my kitchen. The smells made me throw up instantly. I couldn't even look at my Pinterest app on my phone because seeing pictures of food made me nauseous. My husband had to cook outside a lot, even when it was wintery and cold. The smell of any food cooking made me extremely sick. I was happy to discover that once a day, usually in the evening, I could eat a small potato taco from Taco Bell and not throw it up every time! It was a miracle to be able to keep some food down, even if it didn't have much nutrients. Eventually I could also eat some Fruity Pebbles and some Fruit-By-The-Foot. Again, not nutritious but it was better than nothing. I was extremely sick the first trimester and most of the second trimester. By the end of the second trimester I was throwing up a little less. Then, the third trimester happened and I got pretty sick again at the beginning. Toward the end of the third trimester the nausea and throwing up had lessened. I threw up 1-3 times a day instead of 25. I started to be able to eat again. My stomach was so shrunken that I would get full very quickly. I started to gain weight back. I was able to take care of my little son again, although it was incredibly difficult physically, My muscles were atrophied for being bed-ridden for so long. I went to a massage therapist who specialized in pregnancy massage and he helped unstiffen my atrophied muscles. I remember looking at my legs and being amazed at how skinny they are. I had read that muscles start to atrophy after only 4 days of laying in bed.
3 days before my due date, I decided that I could not go any more days of being pregnant. I called my OBGYN and asked if I could be induced. They got me in that day! I had the baby quickly and she was perfect! Somehow, after me having barely any nutrients, no pre-natal vitamins, and being constantly dehydrated, my baby turned out perfect in every way. That was my biggest blessing. My body could go through hell any day as long as my baby was safe and healthy. After delivering the baby, I once again felt AMAZING. I felt myself again and all lingering nausea was dissipated.
I didn't write this to complain. I am very blessed to have been able to have any babies at all. Even though I had difficult pregnancies, I was able to learn a lot. I am now more compassionate towards others. My love is deeper. Suffering really squeezed any artificiality out of me. It helped me strengthen my relationship with Jesus Christ. He helped me through every agonizing minute of the day when my sickness was at its worst. When I listened to hymns and other church music, my nausea lessened. My husband took care of me without complaint. He did everything for me when he could. Our relationship strengthened despite the turmoil we faced. We've been married almost 7.5 years now and our relationship is amazing. There is always something we can learn from suffering. It's never for no reason, even if we don't find out what that reason is until after we die.
Oddly enough, every fall since I had my little girl, I have had a bit of what I call "Pregnancy PTSD." Since I was very sick for both pregnancies in the fall, when fall time rolls around now I get unexplained nausea for weeks! It's so weird, I told my mom about it. She was pretty sick during her pregnancies as well. She told me she used to get the pregnancy PTSD in the springtime because that's when she was sickest with all of her kids. The brain is truly incredible.
In the end, everything turned out OK. I survived, my husband survived, my babies survived. I gained back weight and muscle. 2.5 years later, I'm the healthiest I've ever been. The body is incredible and will bounce back, I do have to say though, I'm not having any more kids! ;)
